Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
