"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize
