I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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