I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
