so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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