he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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