You really coming over, don't trick.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
