i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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