we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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