I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Randomize
