My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Boobs are out for the taking
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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