you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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