He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
