just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
