If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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