Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
