the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
