Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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