I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize