Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
