AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
