whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
