"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
