no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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