Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
