"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
