I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Acid is not a monday night drug
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
