we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
