my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
