I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
