he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
and you fell through a lawn chair
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
