I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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