Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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