apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
