dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
