dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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