I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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