How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
