Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
