I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
