Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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