Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
