Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
