And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
