why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
