Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The uberlube is also flammable
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Randomize
