I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
