he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
