I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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