They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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