fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
