I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
