conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
