When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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