like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will be naked everywhere
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
