ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
