Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
