For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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