So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
