She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
