dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
