apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
