Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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