Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
