You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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