I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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