dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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