there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
