Dual....:-)
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
