I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
