My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
