Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
